Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
