Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
