Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
