wat bout pragnant strippers??
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My hand turned me down
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
