we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
