Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
