Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
