Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
