she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize