Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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