I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
