if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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