The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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