Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
