you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Randomize
