Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
