Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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