I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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