Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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