There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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