the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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