ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize