I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
