I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
