planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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