i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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