My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
