Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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