FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
