Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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