dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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