btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
