sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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