dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
