I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
