you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
