I heard we made out
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Houston, we have a blender
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
