i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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