The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
