I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
