i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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