I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
