I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
