took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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