so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
