What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize