i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
