I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
