I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
