just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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