i was born a porn star she said
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
