In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
