i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
third nipple confirmed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
