Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
