We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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