At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
