You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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