I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
