google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
