Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
