Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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