literally had 100 drinks last night.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
