I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
