Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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