Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
