When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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