i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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