You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
