My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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