I want to have your abortion
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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