Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
