Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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