i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
