Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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