Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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