I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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