I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
