We're like a lot better than the average bears
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
