can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
