All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
