the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
