I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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