You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
