new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
