I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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