Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
