Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My dad just said "fuck circus"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize