I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
